The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
