You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize