I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
