my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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