my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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