Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
