My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
