I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize