kristin has been a bad kristin
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
