You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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