Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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