Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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