I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
