This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
