Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
