is wine microwaveable?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
