woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
