Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
