i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm bleeding and have questions
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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