Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everclear isn't food dammit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
