hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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