I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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