he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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