remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
