Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
