next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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