Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
