So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize