I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't turn off my feet"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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