I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
