I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
look no pants
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
