Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
