Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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