I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
