Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
