am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
