I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
