i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
