U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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