I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
