I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
