there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize