is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
