dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
