I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
