You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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