Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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