After last night, I could never be a politician.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
