The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize