My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
