He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
