This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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