Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize