amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
