I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
