went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
