Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
