It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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