I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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