he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
