Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize