Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
