9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
