after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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