she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
