I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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