sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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