so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
