Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
