They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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