im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
the raccoons are back...
Randomize