I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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