ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize