The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize