sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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