I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
