whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
