How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
