he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize