i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
