didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
