Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize