If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
