so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
