I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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