Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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