Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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