pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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