Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
